Dear the BOY who TRIED to break me, 

   I would like to go ahead and spoil something for you, you haven't.  If the one thing you genuinely desired to know was if you had broken me, then read no further.  I mean, why would you need to read any farther than this? 

   I emphasized on the word "boy" because what you have tried to do to me is something a mere child would do.  A grown adult would have realized this was petty far before it even begun. 

   I used to think that the one before you was as bad as it could get.  I used to think that the pain of that break up was as bad as it could get.  I realize now that going through that was only preparation for what was to come.  You.

   I bet you are sitting there thinking that I am writing this out of anger.  You probably are sitting and smiling because it seems as though you have gotten the best of me.  Well here's another spoiler, and it is the same as the last, you haven't.

   Of course, I could understand why you think I'm angry.  The tone from the last four paragraphs seem awfully curt.  But no need to worry dear, I am just being assertive.  Something that I haven't shown you in a good amount of time.  

When I met you I will admit that I was extremely weak.  I had recently gotten out of a long term relationship with a guy I thought I was going to marry.  And then shortly after that been taken advantage of by another.  So yes, when I met you I was lonely, scared, and weak.  

  When I met you I allowed you to slowly rip away at the small amount of confidence that I had left.  I let you control me, manipulate me, and make me feel worthless every time I did something you didn't agree with.  

 Time after time, people would tell me that I needed to get out.  That you weren't a good match for me, or that something was just a little off about you.  But I never listened, how could I?  I was so scared of being alone that I let it cloud my judgement.  A part of me wished that I had listened to them, but I have moved past that thought because it will never be a reality, and everything happens for a reason.

 I am not here to call you out on everything that you did, there is no reason to.  You already know how ridiculous and horrible you were to me, and that is enough for me.  I am not here to say that I was perfect and made no mistakes, because thats not true...but then again no one is ever perfect in any kind of relationship. Romantic or friendship.

  The reason I am here is to tell you that you did not break me.  Did you hurt me?  Yes.  But break me? Ill say it again, no.  In fact, this entire experience has only helped me.  

This experience reminded me what I am worth.  This experience showed me what red flags really look like.  This experience showed me who I really am.  This experience strengthened not only the bond with myself, but my friends who have helped me through this entire process.

  I now know that I am a pretty awesome person.  I have a lot of love in my heart for those around me; animals and people.  Enough to forfeit what is best for me and think about what is best for others.  So thank you, thank you for showing me that I AM  great person.  Thank you for reminded me that I'm NOT "horrible".

   Thank you for pushing me in a direction to meet someone that shows me true affection.  This has helped remind me that when someone loves you or genuinely cares about you, they don't threaten you.  They don't get petty and make you feel bad when a fight breaks out.  They don't threaten to break your trust.  No, when someone genuinely cares they stick by you (even in your ugly moments). So thank you for pushing me in the direction of a best friend and amazing man.

  Thank you for helping me get back into my Catholic faith, pretty ironic isn't it?  Since you once tried to tell me it was "idiotic" to believe in stories such as Noah's ark.  In all honesty, I hadn't prayed on my own in over a year.  A part of me was lost I guess, and forgot about a relationship that once meant everything to me.  But the amount of emotional and mental stress this situation caused for me brought me on me knees to the lord.  For the first time in forever I actually prayed.  And it wasn't a meaningless prayer, no.  This prayer was asking for help.  I was in search of honest help and something clicked in me that nothing on earth was going to fix this situation, or me.  Something finally clicked that God was the only one who could comfort me in my time of need.  So thank you, thank you for throwing me into prayer because it has helped me feel better when no one else could.

   Finally, thank you for reminding me that I am a strong person.  I have never felt so helpless than I have during this past semester and summer.  I have never felt so isolated and alone than I did during this time frame.  I would put on a good face for everyone around me, but on the inside I felt so weak and alone.  But now I know that I am NOT weak, I'm not weak in the slightest.  Crying doesn't make me weak.  And neither does giving in.  In fact, giving in is the strongest thing I have ever had to do.  So thank you.

   A few people have told me that one day you will get what you deserve.  Or that Karma has its way of coming back around.  But I truly hope you NEVER have to go through what you put me through.  NO ONE should have to feel so alone, isolated, weak, and worthless.  I hope you realize how down right cruel you were to me on your own, and decide to really make a change on your own terms.  I hope that you are successful in your research, because you truly are an intelligent person when it comes to science.  I hope getting your masters is difficult, but only in the way where a challenge makes you work even harder than before.  I hope you get better, I really do.  I pray that you will one day find genuine happiness in yourself and in your life.  I hope one day you find someone that makes you understand what it is REALLY like to love somebody.  And when you find that person I pray to God that you treat her right, and don't come down on her when the both of you have completely difference opinions.  And if I actually ever did something to make you feel broken, I hope you can find it in you to forgive me.  I hope you see the world and end up buying place in France, just like you said you wanted to.  And if in our lifetime they make that trip to Mars, that you get a ticket and see it for yourself.

 I don't know if you will ever really understand the emotional stress you put me through, or how much you affected me mentally, but I want you to know that I forgive you.  I am not going to say that I win or you lose, because this isn't a game.  No matter how hard you tried to play, this was NEVER a game to me.

Sincerely,

Allysa Garza

P.S. Don't tell my friend "Victoria" to "fuck off", she was never involved in this ending.