When I was in San Francisco I found this little cute card that said "14 Little Ways to Stay in Love".  Of course being who I am I grabbed it and went through it.  Being 17 I think that some assume since I am young that other people my age can't possibly understand what it is like to be in love.  But I strongly disagree, so I decided to write about some of the points that really hit home with me.  I want to do this really for myself, to look back on to when I am feeling uneasy, but if anyone ever finds this and it helps them then awesome :)

"Say I Love You everyday"

The bible states, in Ephesians 4:26, "Be angry without sinning, Don't let the sun set on your anger".  This is something that I believe firmly in, I can not go to bed if I feel that I have left something open. Allen and I have been dating for nearly 2 years now, so one can only assume that we have gotten into more than a few late night arguments. Out of those arguments I have only allowed us to go to bed angry with nothing fixed a few times, and of those few times I have never felt so sick to my stomach.  I couldn't sleep and I just stayed up all night making up horrible scenarios in my head.  It is because of this that I vowed to myself to not let us go to bed without anything unresolved, it stresses him out sometimes because he is the type of person that needs to take a few moments to think to himself and calm down, and I think that for some people that can really help, but I have never been one of those people.  Therefore we have yet to go to bed without anything resolved, and this leads to saying "I Love You" everyday.  Of course only say this if you TRULY mean it, because if you don't mean it then it is an empty promise.  But if you feel that you are really in love with someone you NEED to tell them everyday.  But speaking the words are NOT the only way to let someone know you love them.  To be honest, that is not something that I figured out on my own, Allen is the person who showed me that speaking the words is not the ONLY way to tell someone you Love them.  Because if you don't act the way you are speaking, then your words are meaningless.  You can let them know you love them by acting like you care, investing time into things that matter to them, or even giving them space and not talking to them when they need it.  The space part was really difficult for me to grasp when Allen would tell me that he needed to get away and not be around anyone, because the way I looked at it was that "If he loves me then he will want to be with me, even if he is having a rough day", but really everyone needs space sometimes.  So saying I Love You everyday is important! Even if you are mad!

"Forget mistakes"

There is something that everyone needs to work on, and for me it is definitely this.  I am so so bad at not holding grudges.  Just recently I got angry at Allen for something that was out of his control, but at the time I felt was his fault.  For over the course of a couple days I held this over his head, even though he was doing everything he could think to make me feel better.  After a while he got upset because "I wasn't being reasonable".  Which at the time made me so mad, but I WAS being unreasonable.  After a cool off period I understood that I needed to let it go.  Holding grudges does more harm than good.  Therefore in order to stay in Love you MUST forget their mistakes, because staying mad takes more energy anyways.

"Focus on the things you like about each other"

Every relationship has its ups and downs, those moments where either you feel like you're doing everything wrong or visa versa.  So it is key to focus on the good aspects of who you are with.  There was a week where I felt like no matter what I did, I was doing it all wrong.  At the end of this period Allen apologized, but half a year later I did the same thing to him.  Of course neither person means to make the other feel like they are doing everything wrong, but it just happens.  So speaking from experience it is important to pay more attention on the good that the other is doing, because it hurt so much when I thought I was doing everything wrong.

"Try to be the person of your dreams"

In order to have a good relationship you can't just expect your significant other to do all the work.  While you need to focus some of your attention on being their for the other, you also need to focus on yourself.  Being in a relationship does not just suddenly stop your life, you need to consistently work on trying to be the best version of yourself you can be.  Because when you try to be the best you can be it helps you get along better and be more understanding for your boyfriend or girlfriend.

"Do not expect perfection"

I know I went out of order of the card, but it is because this is the one I feel the most passionate about.  This is something that so many people do, and it really needs to stop.  I think that having standards is great because everyone deserves the best and they should have it, so I obviously don't think anyone should settle for less.  But, saying this I think that there are some people who have impossible standards, and reject people that are amazing in their own way.  But this mentality must continue as you enter a relationship.  Some girls expect boys to post pictures of them, bring them Starbucks daily, buy them expensive gifts, and always take them out to a fancy dinner, when in reality not all guys are like this or enjoy doing it.  I actually do not know any guys that are like that, but I know plenty of girls that expect it.  Or they expect them to act like "couple goals" all the time, when that is not real life.  If you expect perfection then you will never be happy in a relationship.  This is not ALL just the girl/boy's fault, the media plays a huge role.  I mean ever since I was a little girl and watched Disney princess movies I just assumed that all boys would be like this; they would all look perfect, say the right thing all the time, or sweep me off my feet in seconds.  I know I am not the only one who grew up with this image in my head.  The thing that Disney doesn't show us is everything behind the scenes.  They don't show all the dirty baggage and hardships that the character goes through, or the flaws that guys/girls are working on.  Even Freshman year I expected this picture perfect guy, who had to be this and had to do that.  Until I started dating Allen I really didn't grasp that the expectations I held were impossibly high, but now that I have been with him and gotten to know him I wouldn't want anyone else.  Allen is not perfect, not even close to perfection, he is flawed in many different ways, but it does not diminish how much I care for him.  I am flawed and I have so many issues that I need to fix, and he still loves me.  This is why when you are looking for a relationship or are in one you CANNOT expect perfection, its not real, and if you go so long holding your standards ridiculously high then you could miss out on someone amazing.

The 5 tips I talked about are a few big reasons why Allen and I are still together now.  Relationships are anything but easy, especially being away from him all the time, but if you actually put in the work and use these 5 tips then it could really help.