Allysa Chronicles
The Allysa Chronicles: The Feeling of Lonliness
I have tried to make it a point to stay pretty honest on this thing. I mean since this is mainly for me to go back on, there would be no real reason for me to sugar coat anything. Im not going to lie, I'm feeling pretty damn lonely right now.
While I have a strong friend group, I know that if I really needed them that they would be there for me in a heartbeat. But most of my friends have someone right now, so they are usually spending their nights and weekends with that person. Thats great, I am very happy for them. And while I know I could convince one of them to leave and be with me right now, but why would I? Its not an emergency. I am not falling to the ground in tears. Im simply just here and alone. So there is no real point to ask them to interrupt their time for me. I get it. I know what it is like to be whisked away in the feeling of love or affection, so I do not blame them. I also know that the type of loneliness does not stem from me feeling like I have no friends.
I know that these feelings are coming from me missing having someone to be with at night. I know that I miss the comfort and security that comes from a relationship. I mean, I have known nothing else for the past 4 years. I miss having someone to listen to my random thoughts, to hold me, to remind me that I mean something to them. But I don't have that right now, and I shouldn't.
I really do understand that I need to be alone for a while. I need to come face to face with this feeling and embrace it. I need to understand that this feeling is okay and completely normal. That while getting away from my thoughts is a good thing, I should NOT always be distracting myself. I need to really dive into being alone and enjoy hanging out with myself.
For the times that I need to just hang out with my good ol' self, but don't want to be cooped up in my room, surrounded by my thoughts, I have decided to do these things. It has really been helping.
- See a movie by yourself, who says movies are only for dates and group hangouts???
- I did this literally today and it was actually kind of nice. I got a couple of looks from the people around me when they saw that I was yes, by myself. But I really didn't care. It was nice eating my small popcorn with jalapeño juice by myself. It was fun sitting through the previews laughing by myself. I didn't mind being shocked at plot twists by myself. I strongly recommend it. I wasn't really planning on going to a movie by myself, but everyone was busy and I was NOT going to sit at home and do nothing.
- Go to a coffee shop and read
- I have been doing this a lot lately. It helps me get through my thoughts and just relax with a book. I just put on my nerdy glasses and go to town.
- Get dressed up and go window shopping
- Some people don't understand why I get dressed up so often, but heres why. It simply just puts you in a better mood. Try it. Get all dolled up and go window shop. Now sure, you might not buy anything (college budget and all), but its still fun. Its fun to try on something that maybe you normally wouldn't if you were with a friend.
- Go for a run or workout
- Endorphines exist for a reason people.
- Go on a hike and just listen to music
- Its a good way to get out and think. Sometimes it feels good to not have to focus on anything except yourself.
I suppose what I have realized today is that feeling lonely is okay, its normal and its human. I have realized that I need to both dive into feeling lonely but also not always feel like this. Maybe this is a rather obvious thing to some people, but it wasn't for me.
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