life
Inside my jumbled head
At UTSA every freshman has to take a research based class, it's called AIS. In this class we have been asked to write a journal weekly on how college is going so far. At first I thought it was going to be a waste of time, but then I thought what I wrote today would make for a decent blog post on where my heads at high now.
"For all 4 years of high school, I attended an institution that constantly reminded students of GPA, College, and SAT scores. A school that heavily pushed AP courses, studying, and competition. Even though for 4 years I was trained for college courses I still did not feel ready coming to university. But much to my surprise these weeks have been relatively easy... I know that the school year has only started, but in all honesty I feel like this semester will be easier than I expected.
Of course since I come from a school so focused on studying and upper level courses, I have forgotten how to casually make friends. Since I lived in the same city my whole life I had many friends from years of being around the same people. Now I am in a school with over 30,000 students, and it is a little terrifying. So far when I see people in my classes, even lectures, everyone seems to have someone already. I know that it is only a week in, but that is why it is so scary. I am so focused on learning everything that I forget to try and talk to people...but how can I not? That is what has been instilled in me for 4 years. I start to wonder how everyone else does it. Are they not focusing as hard as me? Are they just really amazing and picking information up? What is their secret?
I do admire everyone that is having a good time, soaking in the freedom, but I am here to reach my goal. I will become a doctor, even if it is the last thing I do. Dramatic? Perhaps. While I do admire them, as I said, I wonder if the people in my major (those also striving for medical school) realize just how difficult it is to get in. Not everyone will get in. Not everyone can do it. Do they know that? In my head I don't understand how they couldn't. But, sometimes I forget that some people haven't been researching about medical school for as long as I have.
But even though I am here to reach my goal, I still envy the people who can make friends so easily, during lectures none the less. I know that everything will come with time, but for now that is what is on my mind. My very jumbled mind. This entry has been more or less scattered, but that is where my head it at I suppose."
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